I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
