Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
