i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
high people should be assigned attendants
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
