yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said her name was "party"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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