If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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