well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize