I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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