Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
