Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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