I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My ATM looks so different sober.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
