Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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