Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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