she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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