Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize