found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
