your parents love me but you hate me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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