I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
