my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I die, sorry about rent.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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