ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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