After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
