Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
