Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
