I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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