I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
