put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
