Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
