its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
