you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
