Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
