Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
