I just cut my nipple shaving
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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