It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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