I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
