id be glad to
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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