her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The uberlube is also flammable
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
