Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
