that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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