Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
God, I missed his penis.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
please don't ironically join a cult
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