Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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