New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
