I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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