She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
