U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
