i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Boobs are out for the taking
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
