i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize