I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
