Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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