I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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