Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
