i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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