Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
