you traded sex for a burrito?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
