Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
