nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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