I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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