sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Can i not drive my cunt home
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
