she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
