Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
