Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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