have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
