so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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