When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
