I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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