go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
