just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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