My hair reeks of homosexuality.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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