Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
