it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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