I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
