I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
