I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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