Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
