she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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