They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
