i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
