somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
