hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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