Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So. Much. Porn.
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