She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
